"...whoso shall receive one such little child in My name receiveth Me."
"Would you do it for ME?" These are the words I heard the other day. I was sitting at a park with about a hundred and fifty street kids crowded around me - about six of them all sitting on my lap. I'm not kidding about the six on my lap. They always fight over who gets to sit on "Ate Sharon's" lap, so we've come up with a system. I sit down first with my legs stretched out and then back-to-back they sit like I'm a log. I think the record we've crammed on my poor legs is twelve - six on each side - but that was pushing it and by the time the character lesson was over I couldn't hardly stand for a full ten minutes. So now we've put a limit - no more than six. They are so little and light anyways, that you hardly notice there are so many of them sitting on you. The heat on Thursday was sweltering and I had sweat making its little trails down my forehead. It didn't help that I had so many sweaty little bodies crammed close to me either. It seemed I could hardly breath and there wasn't a cloud in the sky to offer a little relief from the direct sunlight.
Yet as I sat there I could clearly hear the words as if it had been spoken by the person right next to me.
"Would you do it for ME? Shae, would you give up all your dreams for these little ones? Would you be content to do this for the rest of your life?" I must admit these little ragamuffins had completely stolen my heart when I first met them last year and since I see them every Thursday we've built some close relationships. They are all under the age of eight or so and they've never known anything different than being a street kid. Living and sleeping out in the open air and washing windshields, selling papers or doing other random jobs to make enough money for a bite to eat. Having to carry their own share of supporting the family even though they are only a couple years old. Sometimes they are more fortunate and their parents are making off with their vendor selling so they'll live in a card-board constructed "house" and actually eat more than one meal a day. Most of these little sweethearts clothes would be what you and I would consider rags. Some run around with nothing on at all. Others wear their parents t-shirts that fall down to their ankles and get all tangled up when they try to play. Who knows if they have ever had a bath in their life. There is enough dirt on these little urchins to fill a garden and you'd still have some leftover for the houseplants.
Yet, through all the hardships in life that these little kids have experienced, they have the most fun personalities and hearts like gold. Maybe they've never lived a life like we have - they don't know the feeling of sleeping in a comfy bed, or a warm bath, what it's like to eat three full meals a day, have closets packed with clothes, or a gazillion shoes, but that won't stop them from smiling and spreading joy to whomever they meet. They absolutely love to laugh and are so grateful for even the smallest little things. Through their limited English and my limited Tagalog we can communicate enough to have a blast together. They are starving for love and attention, and their little brown eyes light up whenever you give them a squeezing hug. They like the kind that makes it so they can hardly breath. Their laughter fills the air and they all pile around asking a million questions at once. Each want to be heard, each want some love, each wants to know they are special.
I sat there on Thursday listening to the character lesson and gazing around me at the squiggling sea of black hair, chocolate skin, and intense brown eyes. As I gazed at the little ragamuffins who have captured my heart over these months those questions were clearly spoken. I spent this past week really seeking the Lord about His will and plan for my life. I had been asking Him some specific questions in regards to my course in life as I shared my dreams and passions to Him. During the first couple days of the week it seemed I was getting no where. I desire nothing more than to be smack in the center of His will, and yet He wasn't answering me!
Then on Thursday He spoke to my heart in a way only He can. "Shae, would
you do it for ME? Would you be willing to surrender your life for the
more wonderful plan I have for you?" It was one of those surrender
questions I should have seen coming. After all, I was asking for Him to
guide me and show me His will...so wouldn't it be far more than I could
have imagined in my small little human heart?! Yet it was a battle. The
fight was real, the struggle was hard. In my own selfish way I wanted to
be given
my dreams, not have Him hand me a completely new one. I
fought for several days in my heart before I came to the place of full
surrender. It wasn't that I don't enjoy life here...quite the contrary, I've never felt so fulfilled in my life! I just hadn't seen it as a permanent ministry is all. I tried making a deal with God. Okay, if I make up my mind to
live in the Philippines indefinitely, is that a guarantee that nothing
would change? Being the organizer that I am, did it mean I could map out
my life plan now knowing that this was what God had called me to do?
But no, that is not how my Father works. He just wants me to take a step
in
faith. Through all the perplexing questions that I anxiously
wanted answers, He answered for me by asking one question in return.
"Would you do it for ME, Shae?" I realized then that the answer wasn't
necessarily a set-in-stone one that I'd be a missionary halfway around
the world the rest of my life...but the question was would I do
anything He asked me to do. At first I hesitated. Surrender completely? To do
anything...not just my dreams and passions?
My answer was and is...yes. I don't want to live an ordinary life. I
desire mine to be extraordinary and that takes faith. It takes trust. It
takes a Savior guiding my steps and it takes me being completely
surrendered to do anything and everything He asks me to do.
I find myself face-to-face with a bend in the river of opportunity.
The Lord has given me clear direction for now and that is here in the
Philippines. So in June I'll be returning for another nine or ten months
and I must say, I'm excited! After that, I have no idea...but this I
know - I will do it for HIM. Whether here in the Philippines or back
home in the USA I am going forth this day, not knowing, but trusting.
~ Shae
Wait, patiently wait, God never is late;
Thy budding plans are in Thy Father's holding and only wait His grand divine unfolding.
Then wait, wait...patiently wait.
Trust, hopefully trust, that God will adjust thy tangled life;
And from its dark concealings, will bring His will in all its bright revealings.
Then trust, trust, hopefully trust.
Rest, peacefully rest, on thy Savior's breast;
Breathe in His ear thy sacred high ambition, and He will bring it forth in blest fruition.
Then rest, rest, peacefully rest!
